


a collection of miscellanea (in headcanon form)

by starblessed



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starblessed/pseuds/starblessed
Summary: In which it has basically come to my attention that I've got, like...  three years worth of headcanons and fics-in-bullet-point form chronicled on my Tumblr, and nowhere else. For greater accessibility, they may as well go here too! Will center around five main ships (Winters/Nixon, Speirs/Lipton, Babe/Roe, Webster/Liebgott, Luz/Toye) with occasional guest appearances.
Relationships: Babe Heffron/Eugene Roe, Carwood Lipton/Ronald Speirs, George Luz/Joseph Toye, Joseph Liebgott/David Kenyon Webster, Kitty Grogan/Harry Welsh, Lewis Nixon/Richard Winters
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	1. Meet-Ugly Headcanons  (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Bob ships and the night/day they met. How they met but not cute, I want ugly. Crazy stories like who met at the back of a police car? Who was damsel in distress and fell into the lake in the middle of the city or pool at the party? Bar fight or car crash? Accidentally injured the other? Fought over last sit on the bus and ended up sharing it because both sides are too stubborn to move? Always buys last bagel every morning at the coffee shop and the person always one step behind is so done?"

**WINNIX**

  * dick hasn’t been a police officer for more than a week, and already he gets the feeling that he’s in over his head.
  * he endures enough hazing from his fellow officers. everyone wants to pick on the rookie, so they send him off for the jobs no one else wants to take. traffic duty, helping homeless people, dealing with drunk idiots – dick finds all those calls falling into his lap.
  * he’s about to get off-duty for the night when another call comes through, directing him to the wealthy end of town. they don’t have to report up there often, so dick’s first – somewhat cruel, very desperate – thought is that it could be a robbery.
  * he’s let down a minute later. apparently, a drunk man’s car has crashed into a tree. dick takes a deep breath and prepares himself for a tiring call.
  * he’s not wrong. he gets to a very prestigious looking mansion at the top of a tall hill, where he finds a man standing outside his house. he’s disheveled, swaying obviously drunk. as soon as dick’s squad car pulls up, he waves and points down the hill.
  * _“my car crashed into a tree.”_
  * dick raises his eyebrows. this guy’s in no state to be driving. _“you mean, you crashed your car into a tree?”_
  * _“no, no – my car did it. itself.”_
  * the man is insistent; indeed, when dick looks down the hill, he sees an expensive sportscar wrapped around a large oak tree trunk. there’s no way the man is lying. if he’d been in that car, he wouldn’t be standing here talking to dick. the entire driver’s side is smashed in, and the car is empty.
  * also, the car isn’t in park. that might be something to take note of.
  * _“ohhhhhh,”_ says the drunk man when dick points this out to him. _“knew i forgot to do something when i got home.”  
_
  * dick purses his lips. _“i hope you weren’t attached to that car.”_
  * _“my dad got it for me. he’ll be pissed when i tell him i need another one.”_ the man looks perversely proud of this thought. he hiccups, sways a little bit, and almost falls on his face. at that point dick decides it would be a good idea to get him back inside his house.
  * once they’re inside, dick has to admit that the scene is a little… depressing. there’s an empty bottle of cognac on the stairs, and a bottle of whiskey lying on it’s side in the hallway. apparently lewis nixon (a name he slurs against dick’s shoulder while dick leads him inside) has been sitting home alone getting drunk all night.
  * _“i think i can let you off with a warning,”_ dick assures nixon, easing him down on the bed. _“just be sure to keep this from happening again. your cars don’t deserve it.”_
  * _“ah, i could buy more. i could buy everything, if i wanted it. every damn thing.”_ nixon waves drunkenly, almost smacking himself in the face. his hand lands on dick’s chest instead. _“you’re a good cop,”_ he tells him. _“you’re my favorite cop.”  
_
  * a little confused, a little amused, and a little exasperated, dick excuses himself and drives away, leaving nixon’s big mansion behind him.
  * he can’t explain why he goes back to visit nixon his next shift. he justifies it as a welfare check. he’s surprised to find nixon standing, not bowled over and incoherent with a hangover; he’s even more shocked to learn that the man remembers him.
  * _“i’m going to have to make it up to you,”_ nixon declares, and dick wonders how he’s going to do that. he can’t help but feel curious to find out.



**SPEIRTON**

  * it’s two in the morning, lipton is stress-baking, and he’s out of eggs.
  * there are moments when you really just have to… to just stop. stop and ask yourself what you’re doing with your life, why, and if the world really does hate you. lipton takes his moment to stop in the middle of a parking lot, positioned between a large parking garage and the grocery store. in the middle of the night, he plants his head against the steering wheel, and wonders what the hell he’s doing.
  * that is unfortunately the moment someone lands on the hood of his car.
  * his first thought is that someone jumped from the top of the parking garage; he’s horrified to realize his first thought is correct. he’s even more horrified a second later, when a complete stranger swings through the open window and into his car.
  * _“no time to explain, but i need you to drive now,”_ the man says. lipton is so shocked that he does the first thing he can think of, which is to step on the gas.
  * he really didn’t want to get involved in an impromptu car chase – but, well, this night isn’t going according to plan. leaning up from the back seat, his strange new passenger directs him where to go – around the parking lot, past the garage, down the street. they’re in pursuit of a sleek black convertible, which looks like it costs more than lipton makes in a year.
  * _“do i get to know what’s going on?”_ lipton demands. the stranger’s fingers drum restlessly against the back of the car, tense with energy he is fighting to restrain. lipton is hyper-conscious of his every movement, from the ragged pants of his breath to the way his dark eyes are trained on the car in front of them.
  * _“it’s my car. it doesn’t belong to them, and i want it back,”_ the man says simply. this is not an answer at all, not even a little bit, but it’s all lipton has to go on.
  * so naturally he winds up on a car chase through the city.
  * lipton has never driven this fast or this recklessly in his life. he’s amazed no police join in the chase; as it is, he’s not sure whether he’s sharing a car with a criminal or not.
  * it all culminates in lipton nearly crashing his own car. they go skidding, making a full circle before the car comes to a stop. no sooner has this happened than the stranger jumps out of the car and starts legging it after their targets.
  * on foot. he’s chasing a car. _on foot._
  * _**and he’s winning**_
  * lipton can only gape as the man catches up with the car, latches on to the back, and pulls himself into the open convertible. he sees fists swinging, watches the car skid, and the next thing he knows his new friend is tossing two unconscious men out of “his” car.
  * it turns out, the wild man is ron speirs, an ex-army captain turned fbi agent. he’s in town investigating a string of recent bank robberies, and did not take kindly to having his car stolen by the criminals.
  * lipton, instead of being an accessory, was just doing his civic duty. he can’t say how relieved he is to learn that.
  * _“you’re a good man in a storm,”_ speirs says later that morning, after explaining everything to lipton over breakfast. _“if i’m ever in the area and need help again, i’ll give you a call.”  
_
  * _“and what if you don’t need help?”_
  * speirs raises an eyebrow, flashing a smirk that makes lipton feel electrified. _“i’ll have to call you anyway.”_



**BABEROE**

  * it’s been a hell of a day in the ER.
  * they’ve had to deal with massive traumas, a warehouse fire, and more than one car crash. gene treated a guy with a steak knife through his hand, and stitched up a woman who fell down a flight of stairs. his toughest case was helping a little boy through an allergy attack after he was stung by a bee.
  * he’s exhausted, to be honest. all he really wants to do is go home and sleep, but there are still two hours left of his shift. he just has to tough it out. two more hours, and he’ll get to go home and sleep.
  * and THEN the hockey team comes in.
  * some hockey team straight out of pennsylvania has gotten into a bus crash. there are no major injuries, but a lot of them are banged up, and they need medical treatment.
  * as if the ER wasn’t already chaotic enough, now gene has to keep a bunch of rowdy athletes under control. 
  * the team captain, winters, and the manager, nixon, are both rushing around making sure all of the players are okay. one of the players, lipton, has a nasty head laceration and concussion, but another player is looming by his bedside, and the nurses are afraid to go near him. welsh has a sprained wrist, toye and guarnere have got broken legs, blithe needs stitches, and luz needs to stop wandering around the ER before he gets hurt.
  * it’s an endless stream of names and injuries that gene struggles to remember. he’s feeling more than overwhelmed, and the er is so crowded that it’s like sensory overload. his nerves are at breaking point.
  * he spins around in the middle of the ER, face buried in his clipbord – only to run smack into a jersey-clad body.
  * gene hits the floor hard, but the noise the hockey player makes when he falls implies he hit it harder. when gene looks up, he sees a wide-eyed player gripping his nose. his hair is almost as bright red as the blood seeping between his fingers.
  * _“i’m sorry,”_ gene gasps. _“i didn’t mean – god, i’m sorry, are you alright?”  
_
  * _“yeah, yeah…”_ the injured player waves him off, promising it’s nothing more than a bloody nose. he’s searching for his friend julian – there’s not time to worry about himself.
  * gene insists on treating him anyway. he’s afraid that he’s actually done something awful to the poor kid, unless the distracted, somewhat frantic look in his eyes is normal for him.
  * it turns out, it’s not – _babe,_ as he introduces himself, is just really worried, and really stressed out. gene can empathize. as he tends to the kid’s bloody nose, he talks to him in a low voice, telling what he knows about his friends. he seems like he’s putting babe’s mind at ease, at least – and taking a quiet moment, free from rushing around, is helping gene as well.
  * when they’re done, gene is ready to go, but babe grabs his hand. they both take a moment to just breathe.
  * gene is taken aback when babe smiles at him. _“you’re pretty good at your job, you know that doc?”_
  * gene shakes his head. _“i almost broke your nose.”_
  * _“ahh, ain’t like it’s the first time.”_
  * babe doesn’t seem bothered, and shakes off the incident with a grin that makes gene’s heart beat doubletime. he’s got a lot to remember tonight, so he’s relieved when babe decides to take one thing off his hands…
  * he enters his number into gene’s phone before gene even has to ask.



**WEBGOTT**

  * david webster is not a criminal.
  * he’s really not sure how he wound up here. all he wanted was to go to a simple protest for marine life rights. he never expected the protest to turn south, he definitely never thought the police would show up, and he never wanted to get arrested.
  * (if he wanted to avoid that, he never should have thrown a shark fin at the police. that wasn’t the best idea – but, to be fair, they’re selling those things in grocery stores. that’s _inhumane_. how can anyone stand for that?)
  * so, long story short, david hits an officer of the law with a raw shark fin and winds up getting thrown in the back of a police car.
  * the officer keeps shooting him offended looks. david isn’t sure if it was worth it or not, but he wants to believe it was.
  * the protest broken up, all that’s left is to haul the most passionate offenders – david among them – away. they speed off in the police car. hunched in the back with cuffs around his wrists, david has never felt like such an idiot. how could he let this happen? what was he thinking? his parents are going to kill him, his friends are going to laugh at him, he’s never going to live this down – he has a _record_ now –
  * a call suddenly comes in on the radio. there’s a robbery in progress at a nearby convenience store, and the officer who arrested david is the closest.
  * looks like they have to make a little detour.
  * so they pull up at the store just in time to see the robber getting away with a bag slung over his shoulders. he freezes as the police show up, and david has just enough time to think that the guy’s pathetic before he’s dropped the bag and started running.
  * that doesn’t work, obviously. the cops catch up to him, and he’s thrown in the back seat of the squad car.
  * right next to david.
  * _“well,”_ the dangerous robber says to him, smirking, _“this don’t look like a place for you, pretty boy.”_
  * david feels his face heat up. _“i’m not some kind of felon, so no, i guess it isn’t.”_
  * _“lemme guess, protestor.”_ david’s glare is all the answer the guy needs. his laugh sounds like crunching glass _. “that’s adorable. this your first time? ooh, you’re going to have fun.”_
  * for some reason, the felon won’t leave him alone. he blabbers on to david the entire car ride – about his first time getting arrested, about the robbery he just commited _(”i had a damn water gun. it didn’t even look real, but the clerk just handed the money over anyway. isn’t that amazing?”)_ , even about his own life. his name is liebgott, he’s been arrested three times before but never convicted, and the biggest thing david learns about him in the car is that he’s obnoxious as all hell.
  * and of course, because this is just the way his night’s going, after they arrive at the police station and get booked, liebgott is put in a holding cell right next to him. he grins at him through the bars, and david feels his stomach sink.
  * it’s going to be a long night.



**LUZTOYE**

  * joe toye works at a bagel shop.
  * it’s been a family business for a while now, and joe now runs it alongside his sisters. he’s their head chef – he makes really, really good bagels. everyone agrees they’re the best bagels in town, and their shop is sort of a local staple at this point.
  * joe loves his job.
  * there’s only one thing about it that he hates, and that’s bagel guy.
  * they all know bagel guy. for some reason, he’s the dude that comes in once a week and orders an unholy amount of bagels, with the goofiest grin on his face. joe’s sister is still trying to figure out what he’s buying them for; she asks him a new question every time he stops in. are they for a work party? nope. for charity? nope. for his family members to share? not even close.
  * no one knows why bagel guy does what he does. to be honest, joe doesn’t care. the dude pisses him off.
  * no one needs that many bagels. why does he need to have that many fucking bagels? they guy’s a damn menace. every time he stops in, with his ridiculous bulk orders of several dozen bagels, they’re always left out of stock, and joke has to bake his ass off to whip up more.
  * as far as he’s concerned, bagel guy can shove it.
  * one particular day he gets off of work just as bagel guy finishes ordering. joe is stepping out of the store, fuming because he knows that guy just bought the last batch of bagels, and he kind of wishes he could grab him and shake him _(”why the hell do you need so many bagels? **why???”)**_
  * when a car slams into him.
  * he’s just stepped out of the store, so obviously he’s not expecting it. joe goes flying.
  * the next thing he knows, there’s a very alarmed man over him, with a voice loud and fast as a speeding train. he’s freaking the hell out, flapping his arms like he wants to touch joe but he’s not sure **how**.
  * _“oh my god, jesus, are you okay?? hell, i didn’t mean to hit you, where did you come from–”_
  * that’s when joe realizes.
  * it’s bagel guy.
  * _**fucking bagel guy**_ hit him with his car.
  * joe is going to kill this asshole – as soon as he stops seeing three of everything and the world stops spinning.
  * as it turns out, joe has a concussion. not surprising, considering he got run over by a car.
  * he has to spend an entire car ride to the hospital in the back of bagel guy’s shitty jeep, listening to him ramble about how _it would be great if joe didn’t press charges, this is the first time he’s ever hit anyone, really, he’s so sorry –_
  * joe doesn’t care. joe is not having a good day.
  * _“took all my bagels,”_ he mutters. _“you took all my fuckin’ bagels.”_
  * they get to the hospital, joe gets checked out, and given the all-clear to head home a few hours later. he surprised to find bagel guy still there in the waiting room. he’s tapping his foot, holding a white bag in his lap. when he spots joe, he leaps to his feet.
  * _“thought i’d drive you home,”_ he announces, then holds out the bag. _“i got you a little something… for the trouble, i guess.”_
  * it’s a bag of freaking bagels. joe’s bagels.
  * _“if it helps, they’re delicious. fantastic job,”_ bagel guy declares, grinning. his grin is infectious. joe isn’t sure whether he wants to smack him or laugh out loud.
  * this day has been weird enough. accepting a ride home from bagel guy is far from the worst thing he could do.




	2. Clothes Shopping Headcanons  (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Bob ships and shopping for clothes. Who whines? Who picks stuff for the other to try on? Who insist on trying on every single thing in the shop? Who initiates making out in the dressing room? Who gets them kicked out? etc."

**WINNIX**

  * okay, look, nix is more than willing to do all the clothes shopping for them both. he ENJOYS clothes shopping; he’s got style, he’s suave, and dressing up is something he's good at.
  * he’s tried to “polish up” dick on more than one occasion – but let’s just say their styles are vastly different. (picture: country bumpkin vs city boy chic)
  * dick in a tux is a very good look, but he doesn’t feel comfortable.
  * dick is more than willing to just buy a couple of shirts, a pair of boots, and call it a day. he tries not to bring nix with him, because nix turns shopping into a four hour thing and dick has zero interest in dealing with it.
  * _“dick, does the green look better on me or the blue? this is a knock-off, no way a place like this sells real armani. can we go to my boutique instead?”_
  * nix has shirts **imported** from france. he’s a fish out of water at dick’s local clothing stores, but that doesn’t keep him from exploring anyway.
  * he’ll bitch so much that dick all but drags him out of the shop, just to get him away. if he didn’t, nix would have probably gotten them both kicked out.



**SPEIRTON**

  * neither of them are crazy about clothes shopping, but they acknowledge it as a necessary evil. 
  * lip has an earthy, simple sort of style (a lot of plaid shirts and grandpa sweaters) while speirs prefers dark colors, leather jackets, and tends to dress like he’s fresh out of KGB assassin training and ready to shoot.
  * they’re never thrilled about clothes shopping, but make it more of an adventure by going together. 
  * lip is a mom while shopping. he picks out stuff for both of them, holds things up to ron’s chest to see how they look, and then encourages ron to try them on. he’ll hand him a mountain of clothes and usher him to the dressing room, saying, _“just see how some of these look…”_
  * unfortunately, ron gets bored easily.
  * lip has never entertained the concept of dressing room sex, and never thought he _wanted_ to. ron is very good at proving him wrong.
  * they don’t get caught – because of course they don’t, they’re subtle as hell – but lip finds himself distracted from clothes shopping afterwards.



**BABEROE**

  * babe heffron is a literal child.
  * he HATES buying new clothes. he’s the sort of guy who will hold on to his outfits for years, until they’re falling apart at the seams. he’ll wear graphic tees until there are no graphics left. the rips in his jeans? he didn’t buy them like that.
  * (bill, who was raised a good italian boy and dresses like he knows what he’s doing at all times, refuses to be seen in public with him.)
  * gene does not have the patience to deal with this. 
  * he will drag babe to the department store, and put up with his moaning and groaning. babe does not want to be here, and makes no secret of it.
  * _“geeeeene, can we leave yet?”_
  * babe will take forever to find things that he likes – then he’ll latch on to a few items of clothing and refuse to let them go.
  * these are his clothes now. he doesn’t _care_ if the neon green pineapple shirt will look awful on him, as of this moment it belongs to him.
  * he refuses to try things on, even after gene locks him in the dressing room and vows not to let him out until he’s given the clothes a trial run (and gotten rid of the pineapples.)
  * gene’s style is dark colors, simple styles, and a lot of sweaters. babe likes… brighter garments.
  * (gene borrows babe’s clothes so much that they still manage to mix up what belongs to who. if gene is ever wearing neon or pastel of any kind, it's 100% babe's.)



**WEBGOTT**

  * webster seems like he has it all together, but he’s actually a human disaster. once, during an intense rewrite of his novel-in-progress, he went four whole days without changing clothes or showering.
  * he likes looking good, and understands the need. just… the motivation isn’t always there.
  * liebgott is a low-effort sort of stylish. he doesn’t put much effort into what he wears, but somehow always manages to look fantastic. he’s the one who does most of the clothes shopping, because webster just can’t be assed to do it.
  * this will result in joe buying the most ridiculous stuff for him.
  * _“a thor t-shirt? thor? i don’t even like thor!”  
_
  * _“they were out of spiderman shirts!”_
  * on the few occasions they’ve gone clothes shopping together, it’s a mess. webster is that person who picks out ten different things, brings them all to the dressing room, and leaves them behind because he doesn’t like any of it. there’s a lot of stuff he thinks looks good, just not on _him_. he can never make up his mind.
  * luckily, web is an easy person to shop for, so joe is fine doing the clothes shopping for them both.



**LUZTOYE**

  * okay, look, joe is a mature adult, so he has no problem going clothes shopping. its not like its fun, but he deals with it because it’s just something you have to do.
  * now luz... doing anything with luz is an adventure.
  * they only go shopping together once. after that, joe is happy to let luz do his own damn thing, even if he winds up wearing a playboy bunny onesie. it’s not joe’s problem, because he’s never taking luz shopping again.
  * he’s a good child for all of five minutes while joe sorts through different t-shirts. then he gets bored. and it shows.
  * _“does this look good on me? what do you think?”_ he asks, holding up a very large, floppy hat. _“real stylish, right?”_
  * sunglasses modeling
  * he makes fun of the thongs. _“jesus, this thing would just disappear!”_
  * joe tries to ignore him. he’s good at this. luz is also very bad at being ignored.
  * he hides in the freaking clothes racks. “hEY, JOE, GUESS WHAT –”
  * joe screams and falls over an underwear rack
  * then he tries to go to the dressing room, just to get away from suspicious store workers watching them.
  * luz gives him a striptease.
  * problem is, he’s not even in the dressing room. _joe’s_ the one in the dressing room. luz is standing in the waiting area, in full view of shoppers, store workers, security cameras, and god himself. and he’s pantsless.
  * they get kicked out. joe is never taking luz anywhere ever again.




	3. Couples "Sharing"  (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Bob ships and that one thing they always steal from the other. It gets to the point when actual owner forgets he owned that thing once."

**WINNIX**

  * _“dick, why in god’s name do you smell like my french cologne?”_
  * dick blinks, very innocently, while sitting in a cloud of lewis nixon scent
  * he just… he really loves how nix smells, okay? he smells so good, like vanilla and wisteria and something too fantastic to describe. nix’s cologne makes him a little dizzy, but he’ll bathe in the stuff, just to feel like nix is by him no matter what.
  * nix is baffled by the habit, but he tolerates it as one of dick’s quirks.
  * meanwhile, nix steals food.
  * he loves raiding dick’s snack cabinets. dick has a sweet tooth, but nix’s is worse, not to mention stronger. he’s got the ambition and the cunning; if he can get his hands on dick’s sugary treats, he feels no shame.
  * some hot chocolate in the closet? well, it’s not there any more. a candy bar in his coat pocket? in nix’s stomach now. a hershey’s bar dick’s saving for later? later is now, and it belongs to nix.
  * he has no problem sharing, so dick doesn’t really mind – but it goes the other way, too. nix will also steal food off his boyfriend’s plate shamelessly. one of his favorite things is to do it in public, where their friends can roll their eyes and call them gross.



**SPEIRTON**

  * living with speirs is living with his klepto tendencies. you can take the man out of the warzone, but you can’t take the magpie out of the man.
  * speirs doesn’t do it on purpose. it’s not like he’s trying to steal from lip (he maintains it’s not stealing, but borrowing). that doesn’t keep him from leaving the house wearing lip’s watches, lip’s jackets, lip’s shoes.
  * he’ll borrow some of lip’s favorite trinkets and carry them around in his pockets to remind them of him.
  * they’re both big readers, so while lip won’t steal much from speirs (on purpose, anyway) he always finds himself borrowing his books.
  * he tries to wait until after he reads them. they’re both fast readers, and speirs loves having someone to discuss the books he reads with, so it’s a habit they both approve of.
  * (lip has also tried borrowing speirs’s hair products once or twice, just to see if he can achieve that level of perfection. it’s not possible.)



**BABEROE**

  * clothes
  * just _**clothes**_
  * gene is a serial clothes thief. baggy sweatshirts, t-shirts, pants… if he sees it, he’ll take it. babe is so enamored by the sight of gene in his clothes that he can’t even protest when his closet starts running low and he has to borrow shirts from bill.
  * (half of the clothes in gene’s closet are babe’s. they can’t tell the difference anymore.)
  * meanwhile, babe doesn’t steal much of gene’s. he’s good at respecting property and stuff, so he’s not going to get his hands on a lot of things that aren’t his. he knows gene values his personal space.
  * he likes gene’s socks. gene has such FLUFFY socks, and babe’s feet gets cold. gene isn’t very protective of his socks, so sometimes babe will just slip into his favorite pair to keep warm.
  * really, that’s the only thing he borrows.
  * there’s just one more thing he will steal from his boyfriend, any time, any place…
  * _kisses._
  * (gene is always happy to oblige.)



**WEBGOTT**

  * what??? are boundaries??? liebgott has never heard of them
  * what’s his is not web’s, but whatever’s web’s sure is his
  * (he’d be more than willing to share whatever junk he has lying around with web, too, but web is the type of person who has personal space and respect of others’ property… boring stuff.)
  * joe steals everything. web will come home to find lieb curled up on the couch wearing _his_ marine institute sweatshirt, eating his microwaveable pizza, watching things on _his_ netflix account. liebgott just smirks at him and doesn’t bat an eye.
  * web doesn’t know why he’s surprised anymore.
  * maybe out of revenge, web starts taking things from joe too. he starts out stealing toothpaste, then clothes – none of it seems to get under joe’s skin.
  * then web goes for the comic books.
  * he doesn’t mean to read them, but there are just so many of them. in the space of a week, he has at least ten comic books hiding under his bed (joe leaves them all around the house). web picks one up ONCE, and after that he can’t put them down.
  * joe goes nuts when he realizes his books are going missing, but it doesn’t take him long to realize webster has been pilfering them for his own reading pleasure.
  * _“web, i **knew** i could convince you of flash gordon’s literary merits –”  
_
  * _“shut up, joe.”_



**LUZTOYE**

  * they steal cigarettes from each other CONSTANTLY
  * joe will hide his boxes because he doesn’t want anyone else to get their hands on them, but somehow george finds them. always. he can hide them in the sink drain, and somehow george will be smoking them the next time george sees them.
  * it’s a superpower. joe doesn’t know how he does it, but it drives him crazy.
  * meanwhile, joe loves to steal his boyfriend’s jokes. george has an endless repertoire of wisecracks, and no one can deliver them better than him, but when joe’s annoyed and wants to get back at george, he’ll launch into recitation of one of his favorite luz-isms.
  * george always looks so AFFRONTED when he hears joe telling one of his stories. you’d think joe stole his identity of something.
  * _“you can’t say it like that! it doesn’t have the same ring to it!” he exclaims. “telling the jokes is my job, joe. **you** get to pick things up and look smokin’ hot.”_
  * joe raises an eyebrow. _“really? **that’s** my job?”_
  * _“hey, we've all got our purposes in life.”_




	4. Favorite Things About Partner (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Bob ships and their favorite thing about their partner, including: looks-wise, personality-wise, weird quirk / hobby?"

**WINNIX**

  * lew loves dick’s sense of humor. it’s quiet, dry, but shows that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. their comedic senses jive with each other – lew is more sardonic, while dick’s quiet form of sarcasm takes people by surprise.
  * dick is such a fan of lew’s hair! he loves to ruffle it up, just to see lew get annoyed, but when it’s neat and slicked back he thinks it’s unbearably attractive. and bedhead? have mercy on dick’s soul.
  * speaking of lew in bed, his morning laziness is one of the quirks that dick is absolutely in love with. they’re such opposites, but when lew is moaning and groaning about getting up in the morning, it’s a challenge for dick not to lie down with him and spend some time just admiring his sleepy morning face.
  * they both have sweet tooths, but dick thinks he’s subtle about his. he isn’t. lew thinks it’s adorable.
  * when lew is in his element – happy, confident, and charming – that’s when dick is in love with him most. loving lewis nixon is to have a front row seat to the good and bad parts of him. dick loves both of them, but nothing makes him happier than to see nix thriving. when he’s in his element, he shines like polished gold, and dick can hardly believe this man loves him.



**SPEIRTON**

  * lip is kind. he’s a genuinely kind person, without ulterior motives, and he does his best to take care of everyone. there’s no way speirs can NOT be in love with that.
  * what he loves most about lip, however, is his willingness to do what’s necessary. he’s a good person to his core, but if he has to talk his way around superior officers or stretch the truth to get more supplies for his men, he’ll do it. he’s not a liar, because he’s an honest person, but he’s got a cunning side, and is intensely loyal to the people he cares about.
  * SPEIRS’S HAIR??? IT’S SO??? OH MY GOD (lip _loves_ his hair, and one of his favorite things to do is brush it back when it falls in ron’s face.)
  * speirs is an insane bastard, and lip would be lying if he said that didn’t thrill him.
  * speirs’s grandmother used to talk a lot about eyes being windows to the soul, and lip has kind eyes. speirs is a little in love with his eyes.
  * also, lip’s scar?? speirs 200% has a thing for scars, and he will take every opportunity to smother them in affection (both the scar on his face and the scar a little lower!)
  * when speirs gets stubbly and unkept, lip is a little worried about him, but also – _WOW._ just wow.



**BABEROE**

  * BABE’S FRECKLES. oh my gosh, they drive gene crazy. one of his favorite games is to count them, but he has so many that he can never get all of them.
  * they’re both completely in love with each others’ smiles. babe’s smile holds all the warmth of a summer day, while gene’s is like a cloudy sky parting to reveal the sunshine. (they’re both beautiful, big surprise there.)
  * gene has a really nice singing voice! he won’t sing unless it’s a special occasion (he’s sang babe happy birthday a few times, and sang him lullabies to help him sleep when he had the flu) but his voice is low, rich, and smooth as chocolate. babe would gladly listen to him for hours.
  * gene’s nose is so **_cute_**. babe adores it.
  * when he’s tired gene will do little absentminded things like tucking a pen behind his ear and forgetting about it, or setting a coffee mug down and then not knowing where he put it a few seconds later. babe will tease him, but think’s it’s the most adorable thing.
  * babe loves to dance, and it’s the dorkiest thing gene’s ever seen. he adores it.



**WEBGOTT**

  * web’s eyes hold all the beauty of the ocean. any time lieb looks at them, he feels his pulse speed up, and he’s just swept away. he feels like he’s drowning, and he loves it.
  * one of web’s favorite things in the world is liebgott’s hair. it’s so silky and versatile, so much fun to run his fingers through. sometimes when web’s feeling strung out, lieb will lay his head in his lap and let web just stroke along his scalp. it’s a good stress relief for both of them.
  * LIEBGOTT’S SMIRK. all i’m gonna say.
  * lieb loves how literally incapable web is of shutting his mouth. you know how if some sharks stop swimming, they’ll die? well, lieb’s convinced that if web closes his mouth, it’s the same deal. (one of his favorite games is getting web so hot and bothered that he’s physically incapable of closing his mouth, even if he wanted to. it’s a game lieb is _very_ good at.)
  * liebgott’s sarcasm – as long as it’s not directed at him – never fails to make web smirk.
  * when web gets really passionate about something, his eyes light up and his enthusiasm is tangible. liebgott is convinced his boyfriend is never more beautiful than in those moments.
  * a happy liebgott is one that shines like the brightest star in the sky. web never fails to find himself transfixed when he sees his boyfriend wearing a genuine grin.



**LUZTOYE**

  * luz loves joe’s eyes. deep, soulful eyes that are open windows of emotion. joe toye has doe eyes, okay? they’re gorgeous. luz could stare into them all day and not get bored.
  * luz’s sense of humor can be annoying as hell sometimes, but it never fails to cheer joe up when he needs it. he knows when its a good time to be a joker, but also can be serious at the most important times. he has a serious side that he hesitates to show, but he’s very in tune with other people’s emotions. 
  * joe can be very intense, especially when he feels passionately about something. george _loves_ it. when he’s so focused on something, he forgets about everything else, and george loves to see joe in his element.
  * george’s smirk is so cute. joe thinks it’s ridiculous how easily that smirk can get under his skin, and his boyfriend uses it to great effect.
  * george is the world’s worst dancer, and joe tries to go out of his way not to dance if he can help it. george loves to dance. he’ll shimmy in front of mirrors, get down at parties, and do his best Saturday Night Fever impression at the most inappropriate times – joe’s birthday, for example. his dancing is awful, and joe will bitch about it, but secretly he thinks it’s hilarious.




	5. Favorite Musicals (All Characters)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "any headcanons for bob characters' favorite musicals/broadway shows?"

**Richard Winters:** An American in Paris. Maybe he’s a classical sort of guy, but he just thinks the entire show is beautiful. He loves the music, he loves the dancing, and he loves the musical it was based off of.

 **Lewis Nixon:** The Book of Mormon, because that sort of humor just cracks him up. It’s just the right brand of cynical and self-deprecating for his tastes, but always leaves him feeling a little optimistic towards the end.

 **Carwood Lipton:** Can I say Oklahoma? He just… he really likes the music, okay? And it’s a classic. He loves that. He also really loves Waitress for its honey brand of optimism and warmth. He really relates to the main character.

 **Ron Speirs:** Definitely not a musical kind of guy, but someone made the mistake of showing him Sweeney Todd once. He sat through the entire thing with an alarming gleam in his eye. Not an experience anyone wants to repeat.

 **Harry Welsh:** Wicked. Look, he doesn’t know much about musicals, but when he and Kitty visited NYC she insisted that they had to see Wicked. He wasn’t sure about being dragged there at first, but he’ll admit he came out of the theatre humming the songs. (He still shrieks Defying Gravity in the shower.)

 **Eugene Roe:** He things Dogfight is great, and really underrated when it was playing. He can empathize with Rose’s feelings of isolation. He also loved Bonnie and Clyde, even though it had such a short run!

 **Babe Heffron:** Hairspray is one of his favorite movies, and he won’t hesitate to jam out to the music. He thinks it’s uplifting as anything, and loves the bright colors and flashy characters.

 **Joe Liebgott:** He doesn’t like musicals, because musicals are for _nerds,_ and he’s not a pathetic dork like Webster. (It’s Cats. He freaking loves Cats.)

 **David Webster:** The Phantom of the Opera. He’s a classical sort of guy. He tries to get all in-depth about the characters and the music and starts making comparisons to the book, but if he’s being honest, he just really loves the costume design. (Twelve yea old Web was the Phantom for Halloween.)

 **George Luz:** Little Shop of Horrors. It’s such a weird show, but Luz is a weird guy. He’s been forced to see so many musicals that he can’t count them at this point, and has an endless repertoire of musical theatre songs memorized, but his favorite will always be the comedy about the giant plant that eats people.

 **Joe Toye:** He’s not a big musical guy, but at this point everyone has heard Hamilton. He’s willing to admit that the music is damn good, and will rap along to it whenever Luz blasts it in the car.

 **Buck Compton:** Buck had actually read Les Misérables, okay? He read it before he saw the musical, which says a lot. He really empathizes with Valjean as a character and thinks the musical is masterfully done. He just has a lot of EMOTIONS about the show.

 **Don Malarkey:** The Spongebob Musical. I’m... not even going to go into why.

 **Skip Muck:** Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. He first saw it before it came to Broadway, and was obsessed with it for months afterwards. He’ll dramatically perform the soundtrack, and makes the world’s hammiest Anatole.


	6. Love Languages (Main 5 + Harry/Kitty)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **insightfulinsomniac asked:** "Band of Brothers ships and their "love languages!" We were talking about them in class today and I immediately thought of this. For example, my professor's mother's "love language" is giving gifts. Another's could be physical touching (i.e. hugs or leaning on one's shoulder). What are theirs?"

**WINNIX**

  * look, nix is like… incapable of saying things outright, okay?
  * he’s damn good with words. he can talk his way around almost anyone, but when it comes to just saying, _“i love you”_ –
  * nope. can’t do it. cannot compute.
  * so instead he gives gifts. he has a lot of money, and gift giving is much easier than saying things and meaning them. so, he lavishes the people he cares about with nice presents.
  * with his wives and family, it’s easier, because they all like expensive things. jewelry is impersonal, but all it really takes.
  * dick is… simpler. much, much more difficult.
  * he doesn’t want expensive presents, and won’t accept them. instead, nix has to look deeper. old photos of the two of them. letters left in places he knows dick will find them. books he’s sure dick will like, or tickets to the latest movie he’s been wanting to see. all things he knows will make dick smile.
  * dick isn’t verbal about his affections either, but he shows it through action.
  * just the way he looks after the people he cares about – the way he makes an effort to help them whenever he can, to personalize himself with them, to do favors without being asked or expecting anything in return.
  * when lew comes home and finds the bed made, or dinner prepared, or that dick has folded his laundry… he knows he’s loved.



**SPEIRTON**

  * lip is very much an action sort of lover. he shows how much he loves someone by taking care of them.
  * when he loves someone, he gets protective over them. he knows ron doesn’t need protection, but that doesn’t mean he won’t move heaven and earth for him.
  * he does anything he can to keep ron comfortable and happy. he’ll make dinner, clean up, give massages, and set ron a bath when he’s had a long day.
  * ron, on the other hand, is a very physical lover.
  * when he wants to show he’s possessive over something, he’s willing to say it, but mostly he’s physical. his demeanor radiates possessiveness – when he loves something, it’s his.
  * he won’t hesitate to swoop in for surprise kisses or pull lip into his chest while they’re watching a movie. he just likes having him close, so he knows where he is and that he’s safe. he likes feeling lip’s heartbeat against him, sharing their body heat, allowing their closeness to consume them both.
  * it makes ron feel safe. more than anything, he wants lip to feel the same way.



**BABEROE**

  * babe has a lot of physicality to him, but he’s very verbal about his affections.
  * _“this is gene! gene is my boyfriend! i love gene so much!”_ he’ll spout of variations of this any time, any place. he’s like… the world’s most loving broken record.
  * he also will give gifts any time he sees the opportunity, and do little favors to express how much he loves gene…
  * he’s a love fountain, tbh
  * but more than anything else, he expresses his love through his words. he’s no master wordsmith, but at least he knows he always means what he says.
  * gene is a little less confident expressing his emotions through words. he’s 200% an action guy.
  * it’s little things he’ll do, like have a bottle of water ready for babe after he works out, or absentmindedly feeding babe something by hand. he verges on a bit of physical affection – he loves to run his hands through babe’s hair or dust the occasional kiss on his face – but for the most part he expresses his love through little things.



**WEBGOTT**

  * webster is a poet, a writer, and a wordsmith. how do YOU think he expresses his affections?
  * he’s not the type to just blurt out how much he loves lieb at random. he likes it to mean something – so he’ll seize every meaningful opportunity he gets.
  * look, webster likes to make dramatic declarations. the amount of verbose, poetic love confessions he’s made could fill BOOKS. he’s a drama queen and proud of it. 
  * liebgott, meanwhile, is such a physical person that it’s almost ridiculous. he’s on the opposite end of the spectrum from webster. he’s no master with his words, but he sure has no qualms about expressing himself through touch.
  * he’ll grab webster at random. his biceps, his hips, his face – nothing is off-limits. when he wants a kiss, he’ll go for one. when he’s feeling possessive, he’ll tuck an arm around webster’s shoulders and pull him in.
  * (liebgott also has a weakness for cuddles?? he won’t ADMIT it, but he’ll snuggle up to web whenever he feels like it and just pester him until he gives in and pulls him close.)
  * they’re exact opposites at expressing their affection, and it can lead to a lot of miscommunication – but they work it out.



**LUZTOYE**

  * george luz is a fast-talking dork
  * the problem isn’t that he doesn’t know how to express himself – he doesn’t know how to shut up. he says a lot of things without thinking, so it can be hard for the people he loves to know when he really means it.
  * he’ll profess his love all the time, but when he really _means_ it, joe knows. his face gets serious, his eyes go solemn, and there’s a vulnerability to him that is rarely seen. anytime he looks up at joe like this and says _“i love you,”_ joe feels like his heart is going to explode.
  * joe, meanwhile, is the sort of person who shows his love through wordless gestures.
  * he does favors for people. if he notices something is broken, he’ll fix it for them. if he knows george has to run an errand after work, he’ll do it for him before he gets home. he’ll make george a snack when he’s hungry, and give him a massage when he’s tired before urging him to bed.
  * (joe also shows his love through protectiveness. he tries to encourage the people around him to take care of themselves – and when they don’t, through stubbornness or idiocy, he’ll do it for them.)



**HARRY/KITTY**

  * harry is _very_ verbal about his affection.
  * he’ll proclaim his love for kitty at every opportunity. to anyone, anywhere, whenever he can, but especially to kitty.
  * when he sees that she’s feeling down, he’ll pull her close and whisper all the things he loves about her. when they’re twined together, unable to get any closer but still not close enough, he’ll whisper how he adores her. he’ll throw a casual “i love you” over his shoulder and think nothing of it.
  * what’s more? kitty’s exactly the same way.
  * she’s a bit more reserved – she won’t go on and on to her friends about how much she loves harry – but she does adore him. she loves him more than anything, and she’ll tell him every chance she gets.
  * they’re the _“i love you more” “no, i love YOU more couple,”_ and they don’t even cringe over how mushy romantic is it.




	7. Playfighting (Main 5 + Harry/Kitty, Babe/Julian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "BoB ships (+H/K, +Babe/Jules) and TACKLE WAR! Who's ends up tackled? Who ends up smug and empowered? Who starts and over what? Pizza? Remote? Need for cuddles?"

**WINNIX**

  * you would not think it to look at him
  * but dick winters was on the wrestling team in school
  * and he was very, very good.
  * he would not tackle nix for no reason. he would not tackle nix unless he had a very, very good reason, and those reasons usually have to do with getting nix to do something he doesn’t want to do.
  * (like getting out of bed. dick has tackled nix out of bed in the mornings on many occasions.)
  * nix doesn’t even pretend to put up a fight. being pinned down by dick is exciting, even if dick gets smug and proud of himself afterwards.



**SPEIRTON**

  * he knows his boyfriend is no delicate flower, but one of ron’s greatest fears is doing something to hurt lip.
  * primal instincts take over. ron can’t help it. play-fighting is still fighting to him, and he’s a born soldier. when there’s someone on top of him, his instinct is to TAKE THEM DOWN.
  * the only time he’s ever felt safe enough to do it is when he and lip are in a very affectionate mood. ron will get a little playful, a little adventurous, and start tussling with lip.
  * he keeps a careful hold on himself at all times, determined not to accidentally hurt lip. he’s pretty surprised when lip manages to get the upper hand on him.
  * it gets to the point where they’re both laughing so much that they have to stop. no one wins, but lip is smiling so widely at him that ron knows it was worth it.



**BABEROE**

  * playfighting is babe’s JAM, okay? he grew up with four siblings + the entire guarnere brood. learning to wrestle was pretty much a way of life. if you couldn’t fight, you couldn’t survive.
  * babe was the runt under bigger kids like bill and his brothers, so he learned to take down guys twice his size.
  * he doesn’t want to fight gene, because he could hurt him. that’s the last thing he wants to do, so he tries to be gentle with him any time he can.
  * gene, however, is more adventurous than babe gives him credit for.
  * gene was the sort of kid to get into fights on the playground. fighting is a thrill for him. babe is startled when the first time he’s hogging the remote, gene tackles him off the couch and they start scuffling on the floor. gene fights to WIN. when he manages to pin babe down, he can hardly believe it.
  * gene is unbearably smug for the rest of the night. _“geez, gene,”_ babe groans, rubbing at spots where he’ll have bruises in the morning. _“i didn’t know you had it in ya.”_
  * _“i’m full of surprises, edward.”_



**WEBGOTT**

  * are they playfighting, or are they **actually** fighting? WHO KNOWS
  * they’ll fight over anything. can’t figure out what to get for dinner? argument. one of them forgot to flush the toilet? argument. who’s turn is it to take the garbage out? argument.
  * usually they’re just verbal, but once in a while it turns physical. 
  * surprisingly, lieb isn’t the one who starts it. web is much quicker to tackle lieb. he’ll just… throw himself on top of him. no finesse, nothing. just wHOOSH.
  * if lieb doesn’t see it coming, he’ll go down like a sack of bricks. if he _does_ see it coming, he’ll catch web around the waist and just throw him over his shoulder onto the nearest flat surface. (it’s not easy, because web is heavy, but he’ll manage it.) then they’re scuffling, and who KNOWS who’ll win.
  * sometimes lieb gets the uper hand. sometimes it’s web. inevitably their fights end with making out, because COME ON, everyone knows how these two work by now.



**LUZTOYE**

  * luz just
  * he just tackles him.
  * he hides behind couches. behind doors. IN CABINETS.
  * _surprise, bitch_
  * he’s like a baby lion. he gets the biggest thrill out of taking joe by surprise, so he doesn’t even need a reason. he’ll just do it any time he sees the opportunity, and it’s so much FUN.
  * now, look, joe toye could take him down with ease if he wanted to. it’s not like luz isn’t strong, joe is just STRONGER. if he felt like it, he could flip luz right out the window.
  * but why would he do that when luz’s dorky smile once he manages to pin him is just so darn cute???
  * so joe doesn’t fight back. he gives luz the satisfaction of taking him down, and it’s a small sacrifice of his dignity.



**HARRY/KITTY**

  * hurt kitty?
  * h U R T kIT T Y?? ¿ ?¿
  * kitty is a precious angel. a queen. a delicate snowflake crafted with care and precision, beautiful down to her very core. harry could **_never_** –
  * kitty tackles harry off the bed, and he goes down screaming.
  * look, harry is a scrapper, but to him fighting is **FIGHTING**. getting rough and tumble with kitty scares him, and he can’t stand the idea of accidentally hurting her.
  * KITTY, on the other hand
  * she loves the idea of being able to take her boyfriend down, and she CAN. harry is absurdly easy to take by surprise, and when she gets on top of him, she can pin him in seconds. he’s too surprised to even try to fight back.
  * _“i caught you,”_ kitty sings, and plants a kiss on the tip of his nose. she’s too cute for harry’s pride to even be wounded.



**BABE/JULIAN**

  * julian is scrawny, but he’s quick, and sneaky as all hell. he also has no honor.
  * he’s more than willing to spring on babe when his back is turned.
  * babe might not be prepared, but he won’t go down without a fight. if he has to throw julian into a wall to get him off? well, if it’s necessary, he sure as hell will.
  * once babe gets the upper hand, julian doesn’t stand a chance. he’ll try his best, sure, but babe’s on top of him, and julian’s not worming out easy.
  * if he has to resort to underhanded tactics, like staring up at the ceiling and exclaiming, _“jesus, what’s THAT?”,_ he has no shame. **BABE** is the one who should be ashamed, because he’s too easy to trick.




	8. Dating App AU (LuzToye)

  * oh my god, what if they met on a dating app tho
  * because luz is an absolute _ **dating app ho.**_ he doesn’t use it to fall in love, let’s be honest — i mean, if he hits it off with someone, sure, they’ll go on a date. mostly he thinks they’re absolutely hilarious, and “you just meet the most interesting people on there, really”. he’s got a grindr, a tinder, a bumblr, a tingle, and any other dating app you can name. like, no less than five on his phone at any given time, and he’s got a collection of interesting profile pics screencapped.
  * (which means perconte gets texts at 3am of wild tinder profiles; for example, a guy dressed like a chicken in his profile pic, captioned by luz: _i think this one’s worth chickin out_ )
  * in short, luz uses them for the hell of it, and has met some interesting people, but never takes dating on them seriously.
  * then he matches with The Guy
  * The Guy is absolutely the most gorgeous man george has ever seen. talk about jacked; this guy’s profile pics are of him lifting weights, running, boxing. all sports, all tasteful (he’s never shirtless, no mirror selfies here) but he’s showing off his arms in every single one.
  * luz almost has a heart attack.
  * (perconte’s phone buzzes at 3am; it’s The Guy, captioned by luz, **😳🤯🥵** )
  * on the other end of the line, joe toye is a grandpa.
  * no, literally. social media is not his thing. he doesn’t have twitter, he doesn’t have insta, he has a facebook account he hasn’t logged into in years — just because he does have a lot of aunties and they all want to know what he’s up to.
  * joe’s a boxing instructor, and a pretty successful one. his gym asks him to record video tutorials for youtube, which he does… but only because they keep sending a kid to film him, and he’d feel like an asshole telling him to beat it. really, joe just does his thing in the videos, while wearing very tight shirts. they get tons of views on youtube. he doesn’t realize he’s become a mild internet heartthrob, because he literally just… isn’t interested.
  * he also doesn’t seem to be interested in dating. this, in the opinion of one bill guarnere, is a travesty.
  * bill pretty much badgers joe into making a tinder profile. _just one, just to take a chance on it and see what happens. if he doesn’t like it, he can just delete it! what’s the harm, right?_
  * joe lets bill download the app, grunts at bill’s choice of profile pictures, and promptly forgets the app is even on his phone.
  * until George Luz happens.
  * what did you expect? george luz _ALWAYS_ happens.
  * now, george has done some light internet stalking at this point. he’s found the youtube videos, and has developed a full-on crush. it’s bad, guys. he’s considering signing up for boxing lessons, despite the near-certainty that joe could snap his spaghetti arms like twigs.
  * he takes the safe route, and just slides into joe’s DMs instead.
  * _‘looks like your allergies are acting up in those pics’_
  * _‘you could really use some vitamin Me’_
  * joe stares at his phone for a solid two minutes in dead silence before replying with a succinct ‘fuck no.’
  * BUT GEORGE LUZ DOES NOT GIVE UP. 
  * listen. listen. this man has an endless supply of pickup lines, and he’s not afraid to use them. joe knows where the block feature is. he can absolutely swipe left if he so chooses, but he _**hasn’t**_ , and george takes that as solid encouragement. somewhere out there, there’s a perfect line for the perfect guy, and he’s gonna find it. so he sends a new line every day, just… shooting his shot.
  * _‘i’m feeling pretty sunburned, because your bio is too hot to handle’_
  * _‘no wonder you’re a boxer, you’re a knockout’_
  * _‘you could choke me out with those thighs and i’d come back as a ghost to thank you’_
  * _‘know what i could do if i rearranged the alphabet? put the d in u’_
  * _‘would you rather fight 1 horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses’_
  * joe hates it. he absolutely freaking hates it. but here’s the thing — george knows, and he knows, that he could just unmatch and be done with it.
  * he does not do this.
  * the worst part is, joe finds himself actually looking forward to the new line every day. god help him, he likes it. it’s something to snort at after a long day at work, something which gets him to roll his eyes every time… but he won’t deny, it’s… kind of flattering. the guy is a dumbass, but he’s persistent, joe will at least give him that.
  * finally — after the twelfth day, when george’s pickup lines have aged like fine cheese _(’my body has 457 bones, but u could still break me in half’)_ — joe finally caves
  * _‘that’s too many. too many fucking bones.’_
  * on the other end of the line, george is having a mild heart attack. _he replied!! he actually replied!!_
  * _‘you’re right’_ he shoots back. _‘i know my anatomy. i’ve actually got 205 bones’_
  * _‘no you fucking don’t. an adult male has 206 bones in his body.’_
  * nitpicky _and_ ripped?? george is into it.
  * _‘really?’_ he can’t get the shiteating smirk off his face. _‘looks like i’m missing one.’_ (and at this moment, joe knows what the hell he’s just walked into.) _‘ur gonna have to give it to me.’_
  * a long silence. george holds his breath, not daring to hope, not daring to dread.
  * finally, joe replies. _‘if i give you my number, will you stop.’_
  * _‘oh baby,’_ replies george, _‘i can keep going all night long’_
  * joe sends him his number.
  * he shows up to the date with an anatomy textbook, just to be a dick about it. george laughs so hard he falls off his barstool, and that’s the moment joe realizes he’s fallen in love with this idiot.
  * then again, maybe that realization came 100 duck sized horses ago.




	9. Wallet Pictures  (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Let's stay in emotional sappy mood! Bob ships and the photo of their other half or them together in their wallets? Do they carry those? What's on that picture?"

**WINNIX**

  * dick keeps a very handsome headshot of nix both in his wallet and on his desk at work. he doesn’t brag about much, but he’s more than happy to talk nix up to their friends at every opportunity.
  * nix’s wallet is filled with pictures of the love of his life – his dog.
  * “this is charlie at the dog park. here he is trying to catch a squirrel – and here, a few seconds after that one, where he fell on his face. here he’s got a bone, ooh, and here he is with his winter coat on –”
  * dick isn’t jealous. wallet pictures aren’t for everybody.
  * (no one knows about the tiny picture nix keeps in the head of his watch – a small, circular photo of he and dick on their last vacation, grinning and pressed together against a backdrop of fireworks. every time he sees it, he feels a bit like a hopeless romantic.)



**SPEIRTON**

  * lip is very quiet about his photos. he keeps one, of ron in his dress blues, tucked just inside the cover of his wallet.
  * if he doesn’t have anyone to eat lunch with at work, it’s not uncommon for him to give ron a call if he knows he isn’t busy. on days he can’t do this, he might just pull out his photo and look at it while he eats. it makes him feel a little less alone.
  * ron, meanwhile, carries several photos of lip in his wallet. a bunch of them, actually. he’s got as many photos of his boyfriend as he has credit cards.
  * he keeps them to himself, but on rare occasions he’ll take them out and brag about his boyfriend. for ron, who’s usually so close-lipped about his personal life, to get talkative takes all his coworkers by surprise.
  * all it takes is a little prompting, however, and he’ll gladly show off his pictures of lip with all the pride nix has when talking about his dog.
  * _(”this is carwood on the couch. he loves reading. and here he is gardening… here, he’s coaching the local little league… here he is at his graduation. he is **amazing**.”)_



**BABEROE**

  * babe is perpetually forgetting his wallet, so he’s not sure _what_ he has in it half the time. (he has a very old condom, a gum wrapper with no gum, pizza crumbs, and an expired starbucks giftcard. he doesn’t even like starbucks.)
  * gene, however, takes very good care of his wallet. he keeps it pretty spartan; aside from his ID, the one personal touch he has in there is a photo of babe.
  * it’s a selfie babe took, actually. babe claims it’s one of his favorite pictures of himself, and even though gene rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s insistence that he only looks good in selfies, he’ll admit babe is handsome in the photo.
  * he tucks the image into his wallet, and every time he needs a pick-me-up he’ll catch a glimpse of babe’s sunshine smile. it never fails to brighten his day.



**WEBGOTT**

  * joe doesn’t even carry a wallet. are you kidding? he’s a cabbie in LA. if someone tries to rob him, the first thing they’re going for is the wallet. it’s not even worth it.
  * he does keep two small photos pinned to the corner of his dashboard, though – one of web, and one of his mom. he’s a good boy.
  * WEBSTER, however
  * sentimental as all hell. he thinks wallet photos are ADORABLE, and selects an array of ones of joe. choosing just one was the sophie’s choice of his lifetime. it almost broke his heart.
  * he finally settled on one of joe sitting on the beach in a tank top and shorts, legs spread as far as they can go. he’s leaning forward, posture deceptively casual, and smirking at the camera.
  * it makes web smile (and get a little hot and bothered) every time he sees it.



**LUZTOYE**

  * they have one of those goofy photo booth sets. they’ve got a copy each in their wallets.
  * in one photo, joe is doing a deadpan serious face, while george is sticking out his tongue and crossing his eyes.
  * in the second, george looks very regal and solemn, while joe is pulling a [super weird face](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fimage.shutterstock.com%2Fz%2Fstock-photo-weird-face-by-a-weird-looking-wide-eyed-man-320803901.jpg&t=OTA0NTE4NzNlZGEyNDI0YmExZTEyMTBlZWM5MTEzZWI5ZDQ4NzU2ZCxmeWdRTnFNdg%3D%3D&b=t%3AmGxjP-btyos3m-dj9wlqYg&p=https%3A%2F%2Frenelemaires.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F165033280799%2Flets-stay-in-emotional-sappy-mood-bob-ships-and&m=1). 
  * in the third, they’re holding each other like a scene from gone with the wind. joe’s hand is cupping george’s cheek, and they’re gazing into each others’ eyes with over the top lovestruck expressions. george is just barely fighting off a smile.
  * in the fourth and final shot, george has broken over something joe said – his head is tossed back and he’s laughing, utterly unaware of the photo being taken. joe has his own goofy grin on his face, and looks utterly pleased with himself.
  * george will show off the photos at any opportunity. joe keeps them closer to his chest, preferring to take them out when he has a quiet moment of needs something to make him smile.




	10. Greatest Fears (All Characters)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "bob guys and one thing they're most afraid of? you know like horses, birds, heights, spiders etc."

**Richard Winters:** Dick doesn’t want to be a great man. He never wanted to be revered or looked up to as a hero. He just… wants to make an impression on a few people, to live a good life in which he’s successful and helps people. The idea of never affecting anyone in a positive way, of never leaving a mark on anyone’s lives – that terrifies him. Living a failed life that positively affects no one.

 **Lewis Nixon:** Lew’s got a lot of fears! He’s a fearful person! He’s kind of a mess! A big fear of his is definitely becoming so consumed by the negative parts of himself that the good parts are entirely lost. He never wants to lose himself to alcohol, or depression, or the hedonistic world he grew up in. Both of his parents struggle with mental health issues, his sister killed herself, so Lew’s seen a lot of people he’s close to fall pray to darkness. Losing himself is his greatest fear.

 **Carwood Lipton:** Not being able to protect others. Lip’s been a protector from an early age, and he finds a large part of his identity in that. Having his agency to defend others taken away from him is a horrifying thought.

 **Ron Speirs:** Ron Speirs is essentially the definition of fearless, but the idea of losing the few people he’s close to would devastate him. It takes a lot for him to let someone in. Having those people ripped away from him – especially in a violent way, in a situation where he’s helpless to fight back – would drive him to a Punisher-style path of vengeance.

 **Harry Welsh:** Harry grew up in a coal mining town; while he was never a miner himself, his dad was. The mines always terrified him as a kid. He always had this fear of being trapped in the mines as they collapse, buried alive. Something about being closed up underground and just forgotten, like he never existed at all, scares Harry to death. 

**Eugene Roe:** Gene is a hard worker; he strives to always do his job to the utmost. When his job becomes saving the lives of the men in his company, he throws all of himself into it; and having a man die in his arms is agony. His greatest fear is that he’ll fail to do his job, and people will get hurt – even die – because of it. That blood will be on his hands.

 **Babe Heffron:** He’s not afraid of horses. He is NOT AFRAID of freaking horses. (But what the hell even are they, anyway??? and why are their teeth like that???) Also, geese. Geese can go die. (They have TEETH on their TONGUES.) Not to mention, dentists. He just has a problem with teeth in general. As well as animals he believes could eat him.

 **Bill Guarnere:** He does not like bears. This is a dumb thing, because there are no bears in Philadelphia (and if there is, someone has probably screwed up) but he saw one at the zoo as a kid and just… was not having it. He had nightmares about it escaping and coming into his house for weeks. Bill would fight a bear, but he does not WANT to. 

**Buck Compton:** He’s kind of got Impostor Syndrome –letting people down, or being unable to live up to expectations. Buck knows he’s the golden boy, but there are a lot of times when he doesn’t feel like it. His greatest fear is that he’ll be unable to live up not just to other people’s expectations of him, but his own expectations of himself. 

**Joe Toye:** Physical weakness is a big thing for him. He never wants to be helpless, to the point where he’s unable to defend himself or others. That’s the worst thing he could imagine. Also, catch him within 200 yards of a spider when he no longer has any desire to live.

 **George Luz:** Parasites. Creepy little fuckers who essentially hijack your body and can KILL YOU? That’s it, Luz is out. He’s not going anywhere NEAR that. Also – the idea of being voiceless freaks him out to high heaven. He wouldn’t be left with no way to express himself, but his voice is such a crucial part of how he communicates – of **_him_** – that the idea of losing it terrifies him.

 **Don Malarkey:** Giant birds. Like. They don’t exist ANYMORE, but they _**used**_ to, right?? When dinosaurs were around?? So yeah, just like… titan sized birds, eating him. (Also, being alone?? Being left alone, with none of his friends or family, no one he cares about around him. That’s what he really can’t stand.)

 **Skip Muck:** He’s afraid of cows, because they’re freaky; he’s afraid of snakes, because NO WAY; he’s afraid of the devil/demons, because he’s a good Christian boy. What scares him most, though, is fading out of existence and being forgotten by everyone – like he was never there at all.

 **Alex Penkala:** Look, he’s just freaked out by… dead things in general. Alex was younger when his mother died, and still remembers his family sitting vigil around her body for hours. It ought to have been peaceful, but it traumatized young Alex, who couldn’t understand why his mother wouldn’t wake up. Now, he’s afraid of zombies, but just… dead things in general. They’re just a shell of what the used to be, without any life… completely empty. He’s seen enough dead things in the war. The idea of ending up like that himself terrifies him.

 **Shifty Powers:** The Things In The Dark. Shifty’s never read any Lovecraftian mythos, but basically that’s what scares him. Incomprehensible monsters, who affect your senses, affect your mind – things that you can’t hope to fight back because you can’t understand it. You can shoot a bear; you can shoot a person; but you can’t shoot a monster.

 **Chuck Grant:** Being a zombie, but a living one. Like, being trapped in a body that doesn’t work, that’s slowly falling apart, with no control over whatever actions he makes… but he’s totally conscious up there. His sister loved _Warm Bodies,_ but it really freaked Chuck out.

 **Floyd Talbert:** He also just… hates bugs? With a passion? Like, flies and ants are okay (even if they kind of creep him out) but the big crawly kinds? NO THANKS.

 **Bull Randleman:** He is a big guy, and does not appreciate small spaces. No thank you, they are not his friends, and he does not want to go near them. He’s not afraid of getting closed up, he just… doesn’t want to get stuck. Foxholes, crowded planes, and cramped jeeps are bad enough. Getting stuck in Holland was Not A Good Day for him for a lot of reasons, but hiding in tiny spaces was one of them. 

**Johnny Martin:** Needles freak him out to high hell and back. He almost couldn’t pass the paratrooper physical exam, because they had to use needles, and he could barely stand it. Things poking into his veins? No way, no how, fuck off.

 **David Webster:** He’s afraid of being lost at sea. It’s not just the vastness that terrifies him, the empty space or the intimate knowledge of just how fatal the siren song of the ocean can be. It’s the idea that he could just vanish – no body, no one to ever know what happened to him – without leaving his mark on the world. He can’t stand the idea of dying without being remembered.

**Joe Liebgott:**

****


	11. Relationship "Tricks"  (Main 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **anonymous asked:** "Everyone who has a friend, boss or a partner has this little tricks that can make that person do sth or consider it at least. We all learn it from observation. My question is how do Bob ships make the other do sth without really asking? What is the trick to distract them?"

**WINNIX**

  * you wouldn’t think dick would be susceptible to manipulation, right?
  * ding dong, you are wrong
  * and nix is PERCEPTIVE. he takes pride in being able to pick up on these things – not because he wants to manipulate dick, but because he just DOES it naturally. his brain is primed to pick up little ways to work people over. it’s just how he operates.
  * so he KNOWS how to get dick to do things.
  * **guilt tripping:** lew doesn’t like to do it, but he’s not above it. ESPECIALLY when dick is working and he wants more attention paid to him. it doesn’t take much – only a few sad puppy looks and a little extra alcohol to get dick’s eyes on him.
  * **affection:** dick is very responsive to extra affection. he wants to reciprocate in any way he can, so all lew has to do is… give a little, to get some in return.
  * dick has his own methods.
  * **be encouraging and honest:** he’ll do all he can to encourage nix, to let him know that he believes in him and that whatever he does is okay… especially if he does this one specific thing. that’d be great.
  * sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. nix is wise to his tricks.
  * if all else fails, **just… say thank you:** _“thanks for cleaning the bathroom, nix.” “thanks for taking out the trash.”_ nix hasn’t done ANY of this stuff, and had no intentions to – until dick said it, and suddenly he feels like he _**has**_ to.



**SPEIRTON**

  * ron has very few weaknesses. **lip’s well-being** is the biggest one.
  * lip doesn’t take advantage of this often, because he’s like… a good person, and stuff??? but when he has to (like if ron is two seconds away from pistol-whipping a guy or is about to steal something very valuable) he’ll do it.
  * _“ron, i’m tired.” “my legs are hurting.” *cough cough* “i might be coming down with something.”_
  * ron will drop _EVERYTHING_.
  * **shiny stuff:** he’s like a magpie. lip doesn’t need to say a thing, but if he just tempts ron with something valuable and ron will do pretty much whatever he wants.
  * is it even??? possible?? to manipulate lip??
  * he happens to be very good at manipulating other people (he only uses his powers for good) but very bad at being strung along himself.
  * ron’s used to being able to intimidate people, but he can never intimidate lip.. nor would he want to. 
  * he really doesn’t HAVE any tricks for lip. he doesn’t have any need to manipulate him, and as far as he knows, it can’t be done.
  * (it can. lip is annoyingly susceptible to being bribed with sex, but ron hasn’t figured that out, and lip isn’t about to let him.)



**BABEROE**

  * it’s… startlingly difficult to manipulate babe.
  * with gene, it’s easy. all babe has to do is guilt trip him. he’s not even subtle, because he is NOT a subtle person. _“i mean, gene, you… you said you’d go shopping today.”_ it’s not nice, and he hates it, but it works.
  * **acting like an idiot:** babe’s not above it. _“gene, i can’t open this jar! it’s stuck!”_ (it’s not, he just doesn’t want to force the jar open, it’s hard.) he pretends to trip on the stairs while holding one grocery bag, gene will get all the other groceries. 
  * gene tried a lot of things to get to babe at first. he thought he could coerce him with food. didn’t work. babe took the food and did nothing. gene tried bribing him. babe “has too much honor”. sex doesn’t work. promises. complaining. babe is impervious.
  * only one thing works.
  * **the look:** gene just… has this look. one look that will get babe to do whatever he wants, because there’s just no saying no to it. gene knows exactly how to get babe to do things, because babe can never say no to his Look.
  * that’s the ONLY thing that works.



**WEBGOTT**

  * manipulating webster is like manipulating a baby. too easy. and he never suspects a thing.
  * **drop hints:** if web is being slow in a store and joe wants him to hurry up? offhandedly mention a bookstore down the street or a new shark documentary on tv tonight. web will be in a REAL hurry.
  * then there’s always the tried and true method of getting webster to do shit: **pick a fight with him.**
  * webster is a lazy ass who is fueled 20% by ambition, 30% by morals, and 50% by spite. challenge him, and he will do anything.
  * _“you think you’re too good to do shit around the house? huh, web? that it?”_
  * starting a fight with webster will guarantee that stuff will be done, but webster will bitch the entire time, and will be pissed for at least the rest of the night. 7/10 do not recommend this option.
  * meanwhile, lieb is a stubborn ass whose greatest foible is his pride. **picking a fight with him** is ALSO the best way to get him to do things.
  * unfortunately, web is about as manipulative as a baby, too. he’s no good at getting joe to do things.
  * _“joe. are you going to sit on your ass all day or are you going to make dinner?” “i’m gonna… sit on my ass, yeah.”_
  * if all else fails, these two will **bribe each other.** joe will give web books; web will give lieb food or cash. that’s the best way to get them to do anything.



**LUZTOYE**

  * **bribery:** the best way to tempt luz with anything is either food or sex. joe is very, very aware of this.
  * he doesn’t even care. _“luz, do the dishes and i’ll give you a blowjob.”_
  * boom. dishes are done.
  * if he has to be subtle, which he can be, he’ll just do things without saying a word. like work out in the middle of the living room, or cook luz’s favorite food for dinner. if he _has_ to lord it over him to get what he wants, he definitely will.
  * meanwhile, joe is atrociously difficult to manipulate. hardly anything gets under his skin, and he doesn’t have much shame, so… getting him to do things is hard.
  * the best way to get him to do things is to **ask him outright** tbh
  * once again, pride is his weakness. he hates being told that he CAN’T do something; he hates FEELING like he can’t. he’ll do his damndest to prove them wrong.
  * _“no, it’s fine, i’ll take some of the groceries, you can’t carry them all at o–”_ YES HE CAN.
  * **reciprocation:** joe is really really loyal. sometimes if luz wants him to do something, all he has to do is show a bit more affection, or do something for joe without asking. he’ll come home and find the house clean, dinner made, and joe waiting for him.
  * _“aww, baby, you’re too good to me.”_
  * luz knows how good he is.



**Author's Note:**

> Of course, the characters in this fic are based off of their fictional portrayals from the miniseries Band of Brothers, and I mean no disrespect to the real-life veterans!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [renelemaires](http://renelemaires.tumblr.com/)!


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